Sunday, September 20, 2009

A Statement About the Emmys (An Attempt)

So we're trying something new this year... I'm going to watch the Emmys and comment as we go along. The commentary isn't going to be live because I'm an hour behind, but it doesn't really matter because you won't be reading this live anyway. Right?!

MINUTES BEFORE: I am already in a bad mood because I'm behind. A certain un-helpful someone on the East Coast has volunteered to tell me all of the winners as they are listed live, and I have had to issue some harsh words of rebuke.

THINGS WE ARE EXCITED FOR: Neil Patrick Harris!! Dr. Horrible!! How I Met Your Mother Best Comedy upset!! (Although, to be honest, we won't be heartbroken when the the stellar 30 Rock inevitably wins.)

THINGS WE ARE NOT EXCITED FOR: Reality competitions, Anything having to do with Two and a Half Men, the notable absence of anything having to do with Battlestar Galactica

OK...


Ready... Steady... GO!

*NPH is singing. And that white jacket? HAWT. And he wants me alone? I don't think that'll be a problem.
*What a start. Great musical number, trivial without being tedious.
*He grew up ON television. Get it?!
*He is ADORABLE. I'm sorry, but I'm going to be saying that a lot.
*Interesting format change. ALL of every category all at once? That's new... and if they pull it off, it just might work.
*Tina Fey and Jon Hamm! The combo gives hope for all geek girls everywhere.
*KRISTIN CHENOWETH?! Holy upset Batman!! I mean, for serious. Pushing Daisies, welcome to your only recognition ever. Aaaaaaaaand the Emmy is bigger than she is! And she's having some sort of nervous breakdown. And she's trolling for roles. LOVE IT.
(also, she is the smallest person in the history of the world... even in spikes, she's shorter than Tina Fey. Which is hard to do.)
*John Hodgman as commentator?! STUNNING. AND HE'S MAKING THINGS UP AS HE GOES ALONG. This might be the best innovation of the night. Oh wait... way too early so say that.
*Let the HIMYM plugging begin!! At least they deserve it. Both of those women look fantastic considering they're less than 6 months out of childbirth. Did Josh Radnor even say anything, BTW?
*Hello comedienne superteam! Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Amy Poehler! I've heard some rumors... and if NPH didn't win... IT'S JON CRYER?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I'm not commenting on this in protest. In fact I might not watch TV ever again. Except that CHARLIE SHEEN DOES NOT NEED AN EMMY. Whattheholyfrak.
*Wait for it... yep. NPH is better for having not won.
*Really Justin Timberlake? Really with the glasses? You weren't cool enough without trying mimic the geeks? And he's giving the Best Actress in a Comedy Emmy. Suddenly the show has taken a terrifying turn... AND HE'S TURNED ON BY PRESENTING THE AWARD? What to the Ever. But he has to take a moment to recover from Sarah Silverman. Ten points.
*HOLY SECOND UPSET BATMAN. Well, Toni Colette is cool enough. And so is her accent. And so is her dress. OK, so maybe I'm recovering from the Cryer win... maybe.
*AND NPH is calling him on the win. And they're being good sports. Recovery in progress.
*Leighton Meester and Blake Lively (is it just me, or is Lively channeling Princess Leia?). Plunging necklines anyone? You know, 30 Rock did get a ridiculous number of nominations... Justin Timberlake and Tina Fey for Saturday Night Live. Interesting.
*Todd Holland better win for 30 Rock- Generalissimo. Ok, The Office... OK.
*Rob Lowe made a funny! For serious? He chose Dr. Vegas over Grey's Anatomy?? Love all the men in the Comedy Actor category, but I'd love Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords. Also, I think I need to start watching The Big Bang Theory. O.K. I could have gone without Alec Baldwin win again. But he gives a gracious speech.
*Stewie's punching Brian over The Bro Code. And I am not cool enough for this sketch.
*Very smart people, still hold the big awards for the end. And at least he was honest about it... "So no clicking."
**I'm not blogging the best reality categories. Sorry.**
*I lied. Hayden Panetierre is too beautiful and too boring not to be commented on. Also, I think Stewart and Colbert's categories are here anyway. Compromise: Abbreviated commentary.
*AND PROBST NAILS IT.
*NPH wins Kick Ass Dude of the Night.
*Is Tracy Morgan drunk? Because 30 Rock seems like it is a reality show for him.
*The Amazing Race again?! Quel surprise.
*Dear Justin Timberlake, See Kevin Bacon? That's how you pull off the glasses.
*Shoreh Agdashloo is gorgeous. But is she having some sort of asthma attack? Or is that the mic?
*I don't know his name, but Best Supporting Actor in a TV movie-guy ROCKS. Make his speech short before he gets interrupted by a Congressman or rapper indeed.
*LoveloveloveloveLOVE Jennifer Love Hewitt's dress. Sorry, that was probably a bad joke, but I didn't mean it, I swear.
*Best Director TV Movie really really needed to have picked a better dress.
*OMG, the Accountants are talking-- AND DR. HORRIBLE IS ON!!!! Hotness hotness hotness. Now all we need is... NATHAN FILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The hottest thing EVER. Counting Jon Hamm and NPH himself. AND THE WHOLE DAMN CAST SHOWED UP. This is officially the best Emmys ever. STUNNING.
*Jessica Lange for Grey Gardens. Let's see how long it takes for her to call up Drew Barrymore. Oh, no?! Just a big lovefest. Cool beans.
*The comedy stylings of Kiefer Sutherland and Anna Torv. Ha. And OMG she's Australian. I totally forgot. And Sutherland's got the glasses too. I might start boycotting my own, they've become so cool.
*4 women accepting for Little Dorritt. Rock on.
*Variety. WOOT. Director goes to an Idol dude? THE DUDE WHO DIRECTED THE BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY VIDEO?! Three cool points.
*Colbert Report rocks. But we knew that. Hell, they all have good videos. Billy Crystal?! Hi Billy! The Daily Show wins. Obviously. You know what, though? It never EVER gets old. Why? Because they are always all 57 kinds of awesome.
*Jon Stewart is dreamy.
*Awesome acceptance opening.
*Have I mentioned I kinda like the split-screen thing? OK, good. Cuz I kinda do.
*Jimmy Fallon is kinda funny...? But not as funny as Carell seems to think. No Flight of the Conchords love, huh? Unimpressed.
*NPH, I would have your babies, but can Ricky Gervais have a go at hosting next year? He declares first off that it's the best award show in the world, and then that he doesn't like the Oscars because all the people there are better looking than him... and then goes on and on about syndication and making money off of The Office. Maybe he shouldn't host... he'd piss off waaaaay too many people while being frakking hilarious. THE DAILY SHOW WINS!! Anything involving Gervais and Stewart in the same room is OK by me.
*Jon Stewart gives NPH a shout-out! Wa-hoo!
*Battlestar Galactica shout-out in Drama montage! WOOT!
*Best Supporting Actor in a Drama... I'd love Michael Emerson or John Slattery... AND IT'S MICHAEL EMERSON!! SEMI-UPSET!! 12 kinds of awesome. And an excellent, brief, gracious speech.
*I honestly don't care about the Best Supporting Actresses. Is that bad? Cherry Jones. Cool chick.
*Nice live In Memoriam.
*Holy Vampire Hotties! Angel and Bill *sigh.*
*Michael J. Fox has the glasses, too. I guess they're getting better, then (PS- he looks awesome). Is it just me, or are the drama writing videos better than the variety writing videos?
*Finally a frakking Mad Men Emmy. I mean, honestly. Matt Weiner- you are a genius, but you are a bit of a tool.
*NPH's inconsequential intros are awe-- SIMON BAKER, WHY DID YOU JUMP ON THE GLASSES BANDWAGON?!
*Yay Glenn Close. Kind of. I wish it was Elisabeth Moss.
*Dana Delaney has the glasses, too. WTF?
*Brian Cranston's beating of Jon Hamm was just made better by his statement that he's glad Glenn Close is a woman, and by declaring himself to be a "Cinderfella."
*And Bob Newhart killed the joke, but he was intimating that he has a massive crush on our Tina, so who cares?
*30 Rock wins! Yay Tina almost making out with Newhart. "Robert, I want to work with you everyday until I put you in the ground." And she thanked Ben Silverman and then SLAMMED NBC... "for keeping us on even though we are so much more expensive than a talk show." Beautiful.
*Hi Sigourney! Golden Age of TV Drama, indeed. MAD to the MEN. Holler. Love that theme song. And Jon Hamm is dreamy, too. What is it about the Jons with no "h"?
*NPH wraps it up with his imaginary glass... he produced the show, too? Ka-ching.

OVERALL: Vast improvement on last year (not too hard to do). NPH can come back anytime he wants. Winners overall were unimpressive, but also vastly improved at least in terms of variety.

Did you have fun? I hope so. KBye.

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