A Statement About My Oscar Picks

Here they are, people! Look alive!

BEST PICTURE

Slumdog Millionaire

I'm tired of hearing about it, and when it wins we can stop talking about it. Right?!

LONGSHOT: Milk

BEST ACTOR

Mickey Rourke

Oscar loves a comeback. Plus, who doesn't want to hear his speech?

LONGSHOT: Sean Penn

BEST ACTRESS

Kate Winslet

This could get seriously dicey, since she hasn't won any awards for this film that aren't in the supporting category, but they'll give it to her because it's about damn time.

LONGSHOT: Anne Hathaway

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Heath Ledger

Look, every single other man in this category has the ability to be nominated again. The Academy is too sentimental and the performance is too good for him to be overlooked.

LONGSHOT: Robert Downey Jr.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Penelope Cruz

I forgot how insanely insane she is in this movie until I rewatched the clips recently. Genius.

LONGSHOT: Amy Adams

BEST DIRECTOR

Danny Boyle

We can stop talking about it!!

LONGSHOT: Stephen Daldry

BEST ANIMATED PICTURE
Wall-E

If you don't agree, we stop being friends.

LONGSHOT: None.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

Wall-E

I'm picking the longshot here, kids.

PROBABLE WIN: Milk

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

Slumdog Millionaire

Whatever.

LONGSHOT: Frost/Nixon

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM

Auf Der Strecke (On the Line)

Swiss. And dark. Can't go wrong.

LONGSHOT: New Boy (I met the filmmaker... cool chick)

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM

Presto

Because that bunny is the cutest thing I have ever seen.

LONGSHOT: This Way Up

Well, that's it! Tune in next time for why everyone ever should watch Gavin & Stacey, why Lost might be the best argument for television as art, and why 30 Rock is still the best comedy on TV.