A Statement About the Glee Madonna Episode

Per my new TV watching philosophy, I did not watch the Glee Madonna episode until 6 days after it aired.

If you've got a problem with that, please take it up with the complaints department.

So yes, I watched it this morning under the glare of an oh-so-very-cranky beagle, who insisted on growling at me every time I shifted even slightly. This might have shaded my view of the episode, but it's hard to say either way.

While Ken Tucker called The Power of Madonna one of the best hours of television all year, and Tim Stack seems to be waxing poetic, I have to say that I found the episode itself to be lackluster.

The music was great-- how could it not be with a marching band rendition of 4 Minutes and a gospel choir backing up Like A Prayer?-- but the plot was hugely underserved by the Madonna madness.

The best stunt episodes are those that a) are stunts and b) advance the story in a meaningful way. See: Alias episode Phase One, Buffy episodes Hush and Once More, With Feeling. Even Mad Men's season-ender Shut the Door, Have a Seat took a new, almost screwball tone and blew the doors off the building.

The Power of Madonna, as told by Glee simply rehashed old plot points with very impressive musical numbers. Finn and Rachel have a difficult relationship. Finn is horny and is easily led (this point is genuinely getting old for me). Rachel is potentially betraying the group by dating Jesse. Mercedes and Kurt are criminally underused within the choir and do their best to put their talents front and center. Quinn is a bitch. Will and Emma need to take a step back while both of them reevaluate their relationship and themselves. Artie and Tina are cute, but have a little way to go before they can be together.

Show me the new storytelling and plot advancement in that list. Please. Every point was covered either before the break or in the last episode that aired.

Now I'm not saying that the episode wasn't entertaining. But beyond adding Jesse to the choir (?!) and giving a little more of Sue Sylvester's life-motives (hello, hair bitterness!) this was nothing more than a sexy redux of everything we already know.

Glee is bright and shiny and was fresh once-upon-a-time, but if they don't start putting plots to bed (literally and figuratively) and moving forward, I'm going to have a hard time tuning in for season 2.

A Statement About the Kitchen Confidential

And once again I am late to the party.

But not really.

I always forget how much I enjoy the very short-lived television show, Kitchen Confidential. It's all kinds of perfect: a show about food, starring Bradley Cooper and featuring a sexy, thieving Englishman. And John Cho. Honestly, is it any surprise that this show is among my faves?

And then it occurs to me, the why. Kitchen Confidential is where Abramsverse and Whedonverse come to have sex.

As previously mentioned, we have Will Tippin himself, Bradley Cooper, starring as Jack Bourdain, the fictional redux of bad boy chef Anthony Bourdain. Working in the kitchen as the pastry chef is none other than... Xander Harris. Yes, that's right, Nicholas Brendan is the whiny, bandana-wearing cake man. John Cho is the fish guy who, of course, had a minor role on Felicity and is Spock in the updated Star Trek (has anyone seen that, btw? Is it any good?).

Let's move on to the guest stars, shall we? In the ep entitled "French Fight," Michael Vartan appears to settle some unfinished business with his rival for Sydney's affections. Later in the series, Morena Baccarin plays Pino's dish throwing Italian mistress who has an affair with Jack. That's right, kids: Inara and Will Tippin have sex. AHHHHHH.

John Francis Daley of Freaks and Geeks is also on the show, and while that has nothing to do with these particular Geek Gods, it only adds to the cult awesomeness of this show.

If it's so awesome, you're wondering, why did it get cancelled after only 13 episodes? I would argue that it's too good to be sustained. With all of these personalities known only to select geek entities, it's hard to build a large audience when the haven't-seen-Buffy-or-Alias-or-anything-quality-on-television crowd doesn't know who any of these actors are. Today it would be different: most people now know Bradley Cooper (as well they should) in addition to John Cho, John Francis Daley, and even Owain Yeoman. Granted, the latter two are known because they are now on different shows, but that's neither here nor there.

It also didn't last because it originally aired on Fox. And we all know how much Fox loves cult television. They love it. Until they cancel it.

A Statement About Date Night

So instead of having a date night this weekend, I went and saw Date Night. With my parents. I couldn't quite figure out which was worse... the fact that I didn't have a date to a movie called Date Night, or the fact that I was so obviously crashing their date night. But I'm tired of writing the words "date night," so I'm done with this little portion of my rant.

The reviews of this film are mostly right. It rates about a C. Without Tina Fey and Steve Carell, it would probably have a D or D-. For realsies, this was not a good movie. The action sequences were weird (and looked like they'd been shot with a home video), and the plot... well... To be honest, less than 72 hours later I don't really remember what the main conflict was aside from titular disastrous date.

Oh, but for the actors, this would have been a film that made $3 opening weekend and probably would have earned someone a Razzie nomination. For example, if the film had featured Jennifer Aniston/Katherine Heigl (they are playing the same roles now, right?) and any generic rom-com hero (I'm looking at you, JamesMarsdenGerardButlerAlexO'Laughlin), it would have been panned, and would surely have only been seen by 16-year-old girls.

Tina Fey and Steve Carell lend something remarkable to the whole proceeding, though-- credibility. Both of them can play regular people with regular problems (in comedy) better than most. They're good looking but not superficially attractive, and we understand why they are together in the first place. The couple they portray in the film has a relationship. It's not exciting or glamorous, and neither of them has a profession that stretches the boundaries of realism (yes, Ashton Kutcher/Katherine Heigl nightmare preview before the film, I'm talking about you).

They manage to wring laughs out of everything in this film that should not be funny (including the fleeing-the-bad guys scene in Central Park) and their much-discussed pole dance is something I will never be able to erase from my beleaguered brain. For better or worse.

Much has been said about Tina Fey's abilities to act and/or whether or not she has any. She doesn't think she does. Haters don't think she does. And as a staunch lover, I'd like to go on record and say I don't think she does, either. What she does have the ability to regulate the degrees to which she plays herself (extreme nerd version on 30 Rock, buttoned-down for suburbia in Date Night), which is actually just fine-- anyone that naturally wry and humorous doesn't need to expand her repertoire by trying on something like an uber-dramatic role. It wouldn't suit her, and we wouldn't believe it. And you know what? As long as she continues to not take anything, including herself, seriously, there's nothing wrong with continually exploring the many facets of Tina Fey herself.

The complete opposite can be said of Steve Carell (have you seen Little Miss Sunshine or Dan in Real Life?) but I don't have the energy to get into that right now.

The moral of the story is that Carell and Fey are worth the price of admission alone. So go see this movie, will you?

A Statement About the Kissing

In an attempt to be less lame, I am now going to write about kissing and television.

Why? Perhaps because it's going to be a while before I am next kissed .

Or perhaps just because this is my blog, and I can.

I was once again watching The Good Wife this morning-- it really has become my go-to "I need to wake up now, but I need to watch something first so I don't kill someone" show. I only have one ep left to catch up on, so next week should be interesting.

SPOILER ALERT. Or whatever. This morning was the episode entitled Heart, which garnered buzz for the leaps and bounds it made in terms of plot development, and also because it was a sort-of cliffhanger episode before the show's spring mini-break. Will and Alicia finally kissed.

Well, I told you spoiler alert, didn't I?! Now I know I haven't gone into a lot of the details and stuff on this show, but let me clarify: Will and Alicia are not married. He is her boss, and though she is very junior to him on the totem pole due to years off raising her family, they were at Georgetown together, and they had a thing. I don't know what kind of thing, because the writers are keeping it very closely under wraps, but it was a thing nonetheless. And finally during an emotional case, they couldn't take it anymore, and they KISSED.

Have I mentioned her husband was just released from prison and is under house arrest in their home? OK, good.

So maybe this post is less about kissing, and more about plot pacing. Here's the thing: in the emotional post-kiss meeting between Will and Alicia, where the words "I'm married" and "I can't because of the kids" are mercifully left un-uttered (yay avoiding cliche! woohoo!), Will says the most revelatory thing about their prior relationship to date. Something along the lines of "We have bad timing, Alicia. We always have bad timing."

We know that Alicia's husband is something less than thrilled that she's again working with Will, and the two men have had two direct interactions that were more-or-less Awkward Central-- once pre-kiss when Peter answered Alicia's forgotten-at-home cell phone, and once immediately post kiss when Will came to their home to ask Peter for a favor. Peter, of course, has no idea that the kiss has occurred.

And there is another telling moment. Peter has slept with prostitutes. He and Alicia are still trying to figure out how they can put their marriage back together. Now that Peter's home, he was looking for a letter opener in Alicia's bedside drawer, and he found condoms. Then he had a little conniption because she had her IUD removed and WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? And something curious happens. She plays righteous betrayed wife (as she should), but he makes an implication... That perhaps she had cheated on him (or had come close to cheating on him) before. Like, 20 years ago. With Will.

But there's pacing, and an aim for a multi-season show with depth and characters and a serious avoidance of soap opera antics. Which they have seriously managed to avoid so far. Seriously. They're not going to tell us everything we want/need to know right now or even soon. The show at least attempts to exist in the real world (slight melodrama aside) and these things don't always come out all at once. Especially when the characters themselves presumably already know their own history. It's called showing, not telling. It should be noted, though, that this does not keep me from wantingtoknoweverythingrightnow. Right. Now.

Will Alicia and Will get together? Do I even want them to, given that I actually do like Peter, and I want to see if it's in him to be a better man for her? And will someone please write a romance novel modelled on this plotline? Immediately?

KThanks.

A Statement About My Lameness. And The Good Wife. And Anything Else I Can Think Of.

I am lame.

Most of you already knew this, but I feel at this juncture that it's something I should confess in a full-disclosure-kinda-way. I can barely keep up with my reading, and as previously noted, I don't necessarily care about the TV watching. Also, I haven't watched a movie in... well... a while.

"So," you ask, irritated. "WTF are you doing here? And why do you have a blog in which you declare yourself to be 'The Movie Girl?'"

"Shut up," I reply.

I have been alternating my viewing experiences between my Buffy marathon (though I'm now well ensconced in the season 6/7 darkness and can only handle it in limited doses) and The Good Wife, which is as excellent and quality and compelling as has been widely reported. The court cases are borderline lame, and honestly it would be nice if she lost one once in a while, but the characters are magnificent, and this is nothing if not a character driven show.

My favorite character is Kalinda Sharma, the law firm investigator who is one part Jack Bristow, two parts James Ford. In a skirt and boots. She's tough, mysterious, loyal, and capable of getting anyone to talk about just about anything. Amazing.

Obviously we really love Juliana Marguiles and Josh Charles, but I didn't know how much I love them together. Chemistry! Loveliness! And a perfectly paced relationship! Hooray! And, having never jumped on the Sex and the City bandwagon, I haven't been sure about Chris Noth and his awesomeness, but I am now fully convinced. And is it weird that I have a little crush on him? Not a Mr. Big crush, a State's Attorney Florrick crush. Hmm...

Speaking of Josh Charles, I have been doing a mini Sports Night marathon as well-- every time I sit down to watch that show I am reminded of a) the 90s and b) just how amazing all of those actors are. Most of them have gone on to bigger and better, (or at least, bigger better Sorkin), but there is something about the chemistry of them all together that remains remarkable even a decade later.

I suppose that's all I have for the moment. Aren't you glad you joined me today?

A Statement About Me Being Late to the Party. Per Usual.

I think I have officially given up on television.

And now I have to clarify, because considering that my last post was about Lost, you realize that that statement cannot be as absolute as it first appears.

Here's the thing: watching shows when they air on television is kind of stupid, inconvenient, and a waste of time. The fact that I have to adapt my increasingly erratic schedule to when the networks deem is the proper time for me to watch a show (and they show such excellent judgment-- I'm looking at you, NBC) is just... not cool.

So this is what people have been talking about ever since the Writers Strike and the AMPTP announcement that there was no proof that alternate media would prove viable and monetarily fantasmagorical. The AMPTP, I think we can all agree, was incredibly, stupidly short-sighted in this regard.

No one watches every show they love in the original time that it airs anymore. Between the much more important and time-sensitive matters in people's lives and the counter-programming of the aforementioned favorite shows against each other (Hi Lost and American Idol. Sorry, AI. I'm done with you for the season because you'll actually be back next year), it's simply impossible to watch everything as it airs.

I personally have not seen my favorite shows on television since I returned home from The West. Thursday nights are one of my only "quiet" nights of the week, and sitting down to really enjoy an ep of 30 Rock and The Office is just not in the cards. Why am I not freaking out about this? Because Hulu exists. And if the eps start disappearing off of there, iTunes sells them for $1.99. And if I am still not in that much of a rush, they're on my pre-pre-order list on Amazon. We don't live in the time of "if you miss it on television, you'll have to try to catch it in reruns." We live in the time of "I'll definitely see it one way or another."

Which brings me to my final piece of wisdom for the day: New shows. I recently saw a Tweet by a romance author (apologies-- I don't remember which one) who said that she uses the lapsed time between the release of a book in hardcover and its release in E-Format to read the reviews and to decide if she really wants to read the book. I feel the same about television shows. I'm not going to commit myself to something that's a) going to get cancelled after 5 episodes or b) could have an amazing pilot and nothing else going for it before knowing what I'm getting in to. I just finally downloaded The Good Wife, because it's now a well established fact that it's a kick-ass show and will be picked up for next year.

So who cares if I'm a little late?

A Statement About Lost (and the Oscars. Sort of.)

It's been a while, movie friends! I should be writing about the Oscars, and explaining the reasons I didn't live-blog (I started, really I did... but then I just wanted to watch the show. Is that such a crime?), and the reasons I didn't post my picks (I just wasn't that into it... and then everyone who was supposed to win, won. How interesting is that?). So instead of trying to push through a post that I'm not interested in writing and you're not interested in reading (after all, the Oscars were over a week ago), I'm going to take a minute to write about Lost.

Yes, that's right. Lost.

You know, that of the "Final Season," mind-frak glory. Firstly and foremost I want to address my biggest issue with this last great season:

Tuesdays? Really??

I get it. ABC has a great new comedy lineup on Wednesdays, and Lost didn't do so well that one time they pushed it to 10pm. But I want to go on the record and say that Lost does not air on Tuesday nights. It's not a Tuesday night show. If they had done this in the earlier days it would have been cancelled for lack of viewership. The only reason this works now is because we're all so hooked, we'll watch or record it if it's on at 2pm on Saturdays. It just needs to be said, though, that Lost is not a show that belongs on Tuesdays.

It's been a slow start to the season. The flash sideways is interesting and weird-- I think it's safe to say that all of our characters who were touched by Jacob are living their lives differently from the moment he touched them. What's fascinating though is the difference and presence of the other characters who were not touched. At least, not that we know of. Obviously there is such a thing as the butterfly effect, and obviously the ones he touched are "candidates" (except Kate...?) but it's weird to see everyone else show up as well with drastically altered futures.

Which is almost too convenient. I get that seeing these lives intersect "no matter what" is important to the show and to the general mythology, but it's getting old. It's not surprising or fun at this point to see Charlotte show up in Sawyer's flash-sideways... Surprising to see Charlotte, yes. Surprising to see a familiar face? No.

There also needs to be a moment taken in memory of John Locke. Whoever this smoke dude is in no way makes up for the loss of a complex and compelling character. He was occasionally annoying and grating, but John Locke was a great man. And let's also say that Terry O'Quinn is an amazing actor-- there are not a lot of people who could pull off that kind of switcheroo.

I have complete and utter trust in Team Darlton (Carlmon?), but there are only 8 episodes left, and I'm ready for some answers. On a Wednesday or Thursday night. Maybe next weeks Richard-centric episode will open the can of worms...

But it's still on Tuesday night, dammit.